Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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