if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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