belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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