Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
