This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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