you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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