i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How does one acquire holy water?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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