R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
