I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize