I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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