i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize