i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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