you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Congratulations! We have a period
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