Non-Jews are for practice
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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