Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
