Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize