I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
