Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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