So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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