I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
