Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
