My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
