I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
