Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
