So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
