eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
