Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So squirting runs in the family.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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