Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They are going to name an STD after you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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