Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
