i used baking grease as lip gloss
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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