I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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