I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
