I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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