I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
