his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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