I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
