why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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