i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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