Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
