Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
