Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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