I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
They are going to name an STD after you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
