if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
