hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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