connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
