the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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