My nipple is on Facebook.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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