drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
