8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
