You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
