I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
