Walk of Shame. In a state park.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
