New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something