I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.