On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's not a walk of shame if you run