I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left