are you so shy because you have an std?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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