You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do