Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.