She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.