do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.